021 Marriage: A Match Made In Heaven

The Watchman discusses basic concepts of Marriage from a biblical perspective and shares some of his personal experience with what God said marriage should be.

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Transcript

021 A Match Made in Heaven

Welcome to the Watchman Speaks. I’m your host, Lonnie Richardson.

Today I’m going to talk about some aspects of marriage. That’s a biblical perspective of marriage between one man and one woman. I’m not interested, at all, about discussing or hearing any other perspectives on marriage. 

As an ordained minister of the Gospel, I am called upon occasionally to perform a wedding ceremony. That’s well and good. I don’t mind doing that. However, when called upon to officiate a wedding I ask for any fees up front, non-refundable of course, and I demand that the couple wishing to get married fulfill some parameters. One thing is that the couple, as I’ve mentioned, be one man and one woman. The next thing is that we, the couple and I, are going to sit down and discuss marriage for about four hours, minimum. 

Now, if a couple can get past the fees that I require, then we sit down for a long discussion. What’s that? Why do I charge a fee? Well, the first thing is that if the couple is willing to put forth a fee, then I know that they’re somewhat serious about getting married. Secondly, my time is as valuable as anyone else’s and that fee not only covers the officiating of the wedding, and travel, but four hours of my time to counsel with them.

However, it is often that when I reveal that I require a fee and four hours, minimum, of counseling, most couples decide to find someone else to officiate their wedding. That’s fine with me. I’m not in the business of officiating weddings. I’ve been offered the opportunity to be in the wedding officiating business by those in the wedding business and at least one national magazine. Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m not a hired gun whose signature legitimizes a legal contract so that businesses that cater to the wedding industry can make vast sums of money. I’m interested in seeing lasting relationships and a solid nuclear family foundation.

What do we talk about?

I spend a half hour or so getting to know the couple and letting them get to know me, just to put them at ease. I want them to relax because I’m going to be asking questions and I want honest answers.

Then, I pop the question. I’ll ask the groom and bride to be, “Tell me. What is marriage?”

In each other’s presence I’ll usually get some flowery, sappy, love stricken language about living happily ever after. That’s fine and dandy

Then I drop the bomb. I’ll lean forward over my desk and motion for them to lean in. “I don’t care what YOU think marriage is, I’m going to tell you what God said marriage is.”

It is usually about that time that they turn pale and a look of sheer terror and horror falls upon their countenances. 

You see, too many in our society today laugh at the concept of marriage. Too many want to go out and play and too few want to make a lifelong commitment. They want to play and make up the rules of the game as they go along. That or either they look at marriage as a contract between a man and a woman. In society, that’s what it is, a contract. When they don’t like the terms of the contract anymore, they dissolve the contract and move on. It’s a contract with the state. Each person signs the contract. The Officiant, the Bride, and the Groom. However, when the Bride and Groom go to dissolve the contract, the Officiant is left out altogether. He has no say in the matter. Yet, without his signature, the couple are not legally married in the first place. From a purely contractual standpoint, that’s crazy. I guess it lets the officiant off the hook without liability. Or, does it?

That’s why I demand, at minimum, a four hour counseling session. I really don’t care what they think marriage is. I want them to know and understand, biblically, what marriage is. Marriage is not a contract between a man and a woman with the state in which they reside. Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God 

You know, I had the favor of God on my life when I married a little Swedish woman. She is quite the remarkable specimen of femininity. She is beautiful in her appearance, her mind, and her spirit. That is a rare commodity. Many women today realize that they are somewhat beautiful in appearance, and they start thinking that they are all that and a bag of chips. Not so with my little Swede. But most of all she is beautiful in her love for me and the family. She loves to an extent that it is sometimes her undoing, but she keeps loving anyway. Certainly, she could have done better than me. I don’t know if I am blessed to have her, or she is cursed to have me. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. 

I have come to love her more each day and, at times, I have learned a revered sense of respect for her. She is a godly woman and I believe God sent her to me to save me from myself. However, she does have a slightly mischievous side to her. Over the years I have learned to pay very close attention when I hear five little words mentioned in the following sequence. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking.” 

 When I hear those words I cringe on the inside because I’m about to do a lot of work, spend a good chunk of money, or both. Usually, it’s both. Case in point.

When we purchased our home we had a second story deck that was small and somewhat unstable. You could feel the platform moving around when you walked on it. The stairs leading from the deck to the lawn was just as unstable. It was a risky proposition to go out onto the deck and enjoy the outdoors. But we tolerated it for the first several years.

Then came the day I decided that I wanted a smoker to barbeque meats on. Not just any smoker mind you. No, this smoker was big, beautiful, and very expensive. My little Swedish woman, completely out of character, set her foot down and said, “No. We don’t need a smoker. We need a storage shed.” This perplexed me somewhat for, as I’ve said, it was out of character on her part. 

I told her that I did not see why we needed a storage shed. She merely took my hand and led me through the house pointing out many things that we had that did not get used in a daily or monthly basis. I had to bend to her assessment. Perhaps we did need a storage shed. However, not everything was lost.

It was then that I was introduced to the way a wise woman truly thinks. It was also the day that I began learning how diabolical and conniving the fairer sex can truly be.

“You know, I’ve been thinking.” She said. “If you were to settle for a smaller smoker that is not so big or quite so fancy we could get a smoker and a storage shed.”

I had to admit that what she proposed made sense. We went to the storage shed getting place and ordered her a storage shed to be delivered Saturday just before Mother’s Day. The delivery driver did not get out of the driveway before she was hanging curtains over the windows. As she did so, I got onto the interweb and began scouting for a smaller and more reasonable smoker.

The week after Mother’s Day, and the delivery of her shed, we went to church, and I had a Deacon’s Meeting after church. She told me that she’d just go and meander around the stores until time to pick me up after the meeting and I agreed to that. I went to the meeting, and she went meandering.

When I’d concluded my meeting I found her out in the parking lot. When I got to the truck I noticed that the bed of the truck was filled with tools. There was an air compressor, air hoses, nail guns, circular saw, measuring instruments and a host of other tools. The bed of that pickup truck was overflowing with tools.

So, I asked her as I got into the passenger seat, “What’s all that?”

She said, “Those are your Father’s Day gifts.”, as she pulled out onto the highway.

I quickly pointed out that it was not Father’s Day yet.

She replied, “No, it’s not. But by the time you tear down that old raggedy deck at the house and get ready to build a new one it will be.”

I was really too shocked to say anything else as we drove home. Again, here she was acting completely out of character. But by the time we’d reached home, I’d put the pieces together.

You see, she really didn’t want a storage shed. She wanted a new deck. She knew I wasn’t going to build a new deck because I didn’t have the tools to build a new deck. She had reasoned that we actually needed a storage shed to store the tools in that I needed to tear down the old deck and build a new one. As diabolical and cunning as it was, it was a very simple plan and I never saw it coming. I decided that I was going to have to begin paying closer attention.

I spent the next four to five weeks tearing down the old deck and building a deck that was larger, some sixteen feet long and sixteen feet wide. Not huge by any means but a respectable size I suppose. As I am driving the last screw into the decking on that deck I hear the words, “You know, I been thinking.”

Red flags start waving, and alarms begin going off inside my head, but I was not as yet experienced enough to discern the approaching danger.

She said, “I think we need to come out another 8 feet and build another, smaller deck about two steps below this one. You can put your smoker and grill on this level, and we’ll have all that room on the main deck for entertaining.”

I finished driving that last screw into the decking and laid the drill down. It kind of made sense. And, after all, she did mention a smoker and a grill.

I said, “Okay, I’ll figure the materials and cost and we can order the materials.”

She said, “Oh, it’ll only be half as big as the main deck, so I ordered half of everything. The materials will be delivered within the hour.”

An hour and a half later, I began building the extended deck. During that hour and a half, I replayed the conversation and the chain of events over again and again in my mind. It was during that time that I identified the, “You know, I’ve been thinking” cue.

Now some may say that was all diabolically planned and connived on her part and it may have been. But know this, I love that little Swedish woman.

When she had a knee replacement that went south, I slept on the sofa next to her as she slept in a recliner for a year and a half. I did that then and I’d do it again.

But know this as well. I have no doubt that she loves me. In 2005 a disc collapsed in my neck, and a neurosurgeon fused C6 and C7 together, not to mention installing a metal plate and four screws in my neck to hold my head up. She stood by me.

In May of 2016, I had total knee replacement. She drove me to therapy every day. In August 2016, I threw a blood clot, and my heart caught it resulting in triple bypass surgery. She never left my side. She never complained. Not once. To say that all that had a disastrous effect on our finances would have been putting it mildly. She didn’t flinch. During the darkest of my days, she didn’t even blink. They were our darkest days. We were a team. We’ve had to lean on each other.

So where am I going with all this? 

It’s simple. When a man and a woman get married, words like “I”, “Me”, and “Mine” go out the window. Instead, the words “We”, “Us”, and “Ours” come to the forefront. If a couple aren’t willing to make that kind of sacrifice then they have no business getting married.

Another thing is this. When Cheryl and I met, the first thing that we agreed on was that it was okay to disagree. We had both previously felt the heartache of divorce and neither of us wanted to experience that again. Simply because we disagreed on something did not mean that we hated each other. Very much unlike the society that we live in today. If we ever disagreed on something, each person would present their thoughts and feelings without interruptions. It is a matter of mutual respect AND courtesy. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we agree afterwards either. It means that we extend courtesy and respect towards each other to hear each other out. We may still disagree. However, having heard each other, we can work together towards a solution that is not necessarily best for the one but for what is best for the whole. Two heads are better than one. Don’t ever doubt it. Certainly, there are more advantages than disadvantages.

So what are the disadvantages? I’m glad you asked.

The disadvantage comes to the forefront in the situation that I mentioned before that has not been heeded. Where one party or the other, or both, get hung up on “me”, “mine”, or “I’ get in the way of “we”, “us”, and “ours”. In other words, there are some selfish motives involved. The home and household come first. Do not allow your “I want” and “I need” to get confused. In most instances what “I want” is the farthest thing away from what “I need” can be! There are things that I’d like to have. There are things that Cheryl would like to have. There are a lot of things that I’d like Cheryl to have and there are things that she would like for me to have. We don’t splurge on each other very often. Most times, we sacrifice for the needs of the home. 

Last August, Cheryl bought a truck for me. Did I need a new truck? No. I was driving a thirteen year old SUV without air conditioning and without a working radio. I was happy with that. Cheryl bit the bullet and purchased the truck because it was a good deal and she felt bad that I’d driven a vehicle for six years without air conditioning. But I love her for wanting something better for me.

Now Cheryl is a computer programmer. She is perhaps the smartest, most brilliant woman that I’ve ever met when it comes to computers. Her system was waning and becoming difficult to maintain. She spends a lot of time hammering on keyboards to make computers do all the things computers do. I had her spec out a monster computer for our home office that any gamer would salivate over, and we had it built and shipped. She loves it. Better yet, she loves me all the more for wanting better for her.

We don’t do things like that often. Most often we get something for the both of us. Rarely do we splurge on each other and the instance that we splurge on ourselves is exceedingly rare. There are no purchases made greater than $300.00 without we consult with each other first. Period. The end. It’s not even considered.

I want to address the men for a moment. Gentlemen, God did not give you a wife nor should you have taken a wife that she would be beneath your thumb or underneath your feet. She is to be by your side, under your arm, under your protection. Biblically speaking, you are the head of your household and your family. Learn to lead rightly in righteousness and love. Never rule your house or your family out of fear. Rule your house and family with love. Sometimes an immovable position is warranted and is not appreciated. But it should be an immovable position that is just and biblical. 

Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” 

That does not sound to me as if a wife is someone that you should boss and/or kick around.

But ladies, I’ll not leave you out.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 

– Ephesians 5:21-28

Well, that’s really for the husband and the wife but you get the idea.  But before I go I’d like to share with you about what love is.

1st Corininthians 13:4-8

4. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5. does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered, 

6. does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in truth;

7. bears all thing, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8. Love never fails….

Now lets’ look at that a little closely. This passage tells us what love is and does. Consequently, it tells us what love is not and does not do.

Love is patient. Love is Kind. Love rejoices in truth. Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love ENDURES all things. If love is not or does not those things then IT IS NOT LOVE! This is what God says love is.

Love is not jealous. Love does not brag. Love is not arrogant. Love cannot be provoked. Love holds no account of wrong suffered. Boy that’s a big one! Love does not act unbecomingly. Love does not seek its own way. And, Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness. These are the ways in which man and woman have perverted love.

Love NEVER FAILS! That is if it is truly love.

Now THAT is all pretty self explanatory and should serve as a compass to any couple contemplating getting married or those who are married and have hit a rough spot that seems unnavigable. 

I am The Old Watchman, Ezekiel. Now you know. You have been warned.

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